Thursday, December 27, 2012

New year

This will be our year!!! My new years resolution is to get pregnant with a  normal egg and have a baby and I will do everything besides going into debt. I am taking Clomid next month again 50mg and  we are  temping and opk. This Christmas was bittersweet and hard, honestly very hard as I watched my youngest daughter  Lily relish in believing in Santa. We did our Christmas traditions and I had to hold back tears that this might be my last Christmas with a child believing in Santa. Will I ever get to do this again I kept thinking to myself and so then I started soaking in everything my daughter was doing and enjoying her delight.
 My heart aches for a baby and my soul yearns for one. My gut whispers to me you foolish child you will never have another child and I think how will I cope with that that? What if and when my mind does there I get a sinking feeling in my stomach and tears well up in my eyes. So all I have now is my strength and faith that God will answer my prayers and my husband will be by my side as we trudge through this awful thing called infertility and balanced translocation. 

Friday, December 14, 2012

christmas miracle????.......

All I want for Christmas is a normal egg to meet with my Dh sperm. That's all!!!  So I am waiting for a positive opk still not getting one maybe tonight???? Ugghh and to top it off af is due on the 28th really????? Totally sucks so I am not testing at all I promise myself that I will not take away from the holidays and preoccupy my mind with testing and take way from enjoying Christmas!!! So onward we go and we have decided by March to see a Re. Why march because the weather here on the East coast can get pretty sucky during the winter. So I do not want to have to drive through a storm to get to RE's office. Everyone around me is pregnant at work!!! It doesn't help that I do 12 hour shifts either ughhh!!!! I want this so bad my heart actually aches!!!! I want to be able to start the new year with a healthy pregnancy. I can be positive though about ovulating on my own hopefully!!! So till next time baby dust to all!!!!

Tuesday, November 27, 2012

If you fail brush yourself off and try again

That is how I feel. I got pregnant this cycle but unfortunately it was another chemical pregnancy. My hpt never got dark and I had a gut feeling from the beginning. Here is a pic

So the top one from Thanksgiving morning and bottom two days before my beta was 34. I knew they should of been darker but my boobs were killing me so I had some hope.I was also on progesterone. That usually does not give me side effects but I think it did this time around but I am glad to know you will still miscarry on progesterone. So I started the downward spiral of spotting on Saturday. Had some cramps on Monday morning but it still is  like a spotting light flow, my temp is slowly dropping so I think AF will be in full force tomorrow. I really didn't get upset this time because I kind of had that feeling from the beginning. I am taking a break from clomid  this month so I can double my prescription next month which means I will take 100mg of clomid in January. I am hoping that a good egg comes forward. Impatiently waiting.... tick tick tick.....
Will it ever happen my gut says no but I will try. Maybe seeing the RE after the holidays we can use injectables so I can produce more eggs I don't know. I want this so bad for me and my husband. I want to have that great experience of being pregnant and raising a child with a great guy. Yes, I have two dd but my experiences while pregnant and raising them was lets just say far from what I imagined or wanted. I was basically alone both times and even though married but utterly alone. It was not the happy experience I deserved and dreamed about. I would have that with my husband he is the love of my life best friend and I want to give him this precious gift of a child of his own. I want him to experience the love that a baby brings into your life. I want him to feel completed.  This brings me back to when I had my last daughter, I remember holding her in my arms and saying I want to do this again, kind of like a feeling of knowing my destiny of having more children was not complete with her. I just want to have a baby that's all. To much to ask for???


Saturday, November 17, 2012

charting isn't for the faint of heart...

So this is my second month of charting I had a temp dip below cover line at 6dpo and the dip at 8dpo and rise at 9dpo.Then i went onto to some ttc boards posted my chart asked girls just to look at it exact words and they were so rude that is why I do not go on those boards!!!! I didn't have any particular questions just about the temps up and down and they were like what do you want. Whatever so I am here right now debating on whether or not to test since I have to pee. HMMMMMM.... I want to and then don't want to. ughhh so frustrating I think it will be way to early and I will start obsessing right???? Well here is my chart

Sunday, November 11, 2012

Some thanksgiving recipes

So with Thanksgiving around the corner decided to post some recipes I am going to try and one I always do.

Servings: 2 dozen
Prep Time: 15 min
Cook Time: 45 min
Difficulty: Easy

Ingredients Add to grocery list

1/4 teaspoon nutmeg
Streusel topping (recipe follows)
1/2 teaspoon ground cinnamon
1 teaspoon vanilla extract
3 granny smith apples, peeled, cored and finely chopped
2 large eggs
1/2 cup plus 2 tablespoons sugar, divided
1 cup (2 sticks) butter, softened
2 (8 ounce) packages cream cheese, softened
1/2 cup firmly packed brown sugar
2 cup all purpose flour
1/2 cup caramel topping
Streusel Topping
1 cup firmly packed brown sugar
1 cup all purpose flour
1/2 cup quick cooking oats
1/2 cup (1 stick) butter, softened


Preheat oven to 350 degrees F.
In a medium bowl, combine flour and brown sugar. Cut in butter with a pastry blender until mixture is crumbly. Press evenly into a 13-by-9-by-2 inch baking pan lined with heavy-duty aluminum foil. Bake 15 minutes or until lightly browned.
In a large bowl, beat cream cheese with 1/2 cup sugar in an electric mixer at medium speed until smooth. Then add eggs, 1 at a time, and vanilla. Stir to combine. Pour over warm crust.
In a small bowl, stir together chopped apples, remaining 2 tablespoons sugar, cinnamon, and nutmeg. Spoon evenly over cream cheese mixture. Sprinkle evenly with Streusel topping. Bake 30 minutes, or until filling is set. Drizzle with caramel topping.
Streusel Topping
In a small bowl, combine all ingredients.


Save To My Recipe Box

Please limit to 20 characters
Saving Recipe
Adding Recipe
Or Do Not Add
This recipe was saved to your Folder_Name folder.

Save To My Recipe Box

Please sign in to save this recipe to your Recipe Box!!

E-Mail This Page to Your Friends

All fields are required.
Separate multiple e-mail addresses with a comma.
Maximum 20 e-mail addresses.
Sending E-Mail
Sending E-Mail
Or Do Not E-Mail
A link to Hot Crab Dip was e-mailed

Hot Crab Dip

25 Characters Max

Enter Time:

You can create up to five timers


  • 1 pound jumbo lump crabmeat, free of shells
  • 1 cup grated pepper jack cheese
  • 3/4 cup mayonnaise
  • 1/4 cup grated Parmesan
  • 1/4 cup green onions, minced, optional
  • 5 to 6 roasted garlic cloves or 2 cloves minced
  • 3 tablespoons Worcestershire sauce
  • 2 tablespoons fresh lemon or lime juice
  • 1 teaspoon hot pepper sauce
  • 1/2 teaspoon dry mustard
  • Salt and pepper


Preheat oven to 325 degrees F.

Combine all of the ingredients in a casserole and gently stir until thoroughly mixed. Bake for 40 minutes. Serve hot with crackers or toast points.


  • 1 pound jumbo lump crabmeat, free of shells
  • 1 cup grated pepper jack cheese
  • 3/4 cup mayonnaise
  • 1/4 cup grated Parmesan
  • 1/4 cup green onions, minced, optional
  • 5 to 6 roasted garlic cloves or 2 cloves minced
  • 3 tablespoons Worcestershire sauce
  • 2 tablespoons fresh lemon or lime juice
  • 1 teaspoon hot pepper sauce
  • 1/2 teaspoon dry mustard
  • Salt and pepper


Preheat oven to 325 degrees F.

Combine all of the ingredients in a casserole and gently stir until thoroughly mixed. Bake for 40 minutes. Serve hot with crackers or toast points.


Powdered sugar
3/4 cup all-purpose flour
1/2 teaspoon baking powder
1/2 teaspoon baking soda
1/2 teaspoon ground cinnamon
1/2 teaspoon ground cloves
1/4 teaspoon salt
1 cup sugar
2/3 cup LIBBY'S 100% Pure Pumpkin
1 cup chopped walnuts, if desired


1 (8-ounce) package cream cheese, softened
1 cup sifted powdered sugar
6 tablespoons Land O Lakes® Butter, softened
1 teaspoon vanilla
Powdered sugar, if desired


Heat oven to 375°F. Grease 15x10x1-inch jelly-roll pan; line with parchment or waxed paper. Grease and flour paper; set aside. Arrange clean thin, cotton kitchen towel on counter; sprinkle with powdered sugar.

Combine flour, baking powder, baking soda, cinnamon, cloves and salt in small bowl. Combine eggs and sugar in large bowl; beat until thickened. Add pumpkin; beat until well mixed. Stir in flour mixture. Spread batter evenly into prepared pan. Sprinkle with walnuts, if desired.

Bake for 13 to 15 minutes or until center springs back when lightly touched. Immediately loosen cake from edges of pan; invert onto prepared towel. Remove pan; carefully peel off paper. Roll up cake in towel while hot, starting with 10-inch side. Cool completely on wire rack.

Beat cream cheese, 1 cup powdered sugar, butter and vanilla in small bowl until smooth. Carefully unroll cake; remove towel. Spread cream cheese mixture over cake. Reroll cake. Wrap in plastic food wrap; refrigerate at least one hour. Sprinkle with powdered sugar before serving, if desired..
I always make a pumpkin roll and I am trying the crab dip and the cheesecake for the first time.
Let's swap recipes.

Wednesday, October 31, 2012

Happy halloween

This year no trick or treating for me my oldest is too old and my other daughter is with her father. It's kind of weird, sad and nice all in one. No running home trying to do make-up, hair, and last minute things like remembering I didn't get trick or treat bags. I will have one last year next year to trick or treat, Lily will only be 10 so we will go out,  but I wonder today on this gloomy Halloween is this it? I am done Halloween, will I ever dress up a baby for Halloween and try to teach it to say trick or treat again? Will my husband ever get to experience a first Halloween with a  baby? It leaves me thinking and for a minute I am down and out, then I think I need to be positive and yes we will be trick or treating with a little one  of our own maybe not next Halloween but it will happen soon enough for us. Have to be positive well that's what Joel Osteen says!!!! Well everyone have  a safe and happy Halloween everyone!!!!

Sunday, October 28, 2012

The calm before the storm

Sitting here waiting for hurricane Sandy and this is what keeps popping in my head
haha I keep wanting to belt out, "Your the one that I love"!!! Hopefully we will not get hit too bad and praying we do not lose power. This is going to be short post hubby next to me sleeping!!!!shhh!!!!! Had a thought today and I will show you in a pic what my thought was

This is what it takes to get pregnant in your 30's and this is what it takes in tour 20's

Go figure!!!???? Well anyways on cd 5 taking clomid, did acupuncture on sat probably won'tmake it there until next sat because of the storm. My Uncle who is my dad's brother(my dad passed away 12 years ago) he takes care of my Nan who is 90 and he has a bad heart and is back in the hospital so I slept over her house last night felt horrible all day, ran a low grade fever went to bed early and feeling fine today weird!!! But the damn fever messed with my bbt charting!!! That's it for now good night, good luck and baby dust!!!!

Friday, October 19, 2012

really??? You got to be kidding me....

That's how I felt when I got this, this   morning....

So I would be lying if I said I wasn't surprise. Surprised meaning like I did clomid,acupuncture, thought positive. I have zero symptoms nada zilch none. On the subject of symptoms are these women crazy who have symptoms before 7dpo like I felt my breast full and twinges at 1,2,3 etc dpo. Like really your egg hasn't even been fertilized. Like seriously get a grip. Wow that felt better. So onto the next cycle I stopped taking the progesterone and now waiting for af she is due on Tues,so hopefully she is on time.

Off the ttc my oldest daughter turned 14 where has the time gone? Wish she was a baby well not really  because she is just as difficult as a teenager as a baby. I have come far from that place single mom all alone. My life is great this past weekend we made pizza and watched movies my little one was sick, so we just relaxed. This weekend I am working what fun and next weekend we are going on our annual pumpkin patch.I am so excited because our pumpkin patch has apple picking and winery!!!! Oh yeah take that BFN!!!! So till next time GL and baby dust!!!!

yummy pizza with my hubby and daughter!!!

Friday, October 12, 2012


I ovulated well according to my opk's and Fertility friend I did. We had good bding times and I am hopeful really really hopeful. I went to acupuncture last night and I kept reciting positive affirmations in my head. I am trying to be positive about my cycles from now on. I know we can do this and I know we'll hold a baby in our arms in 9 months. So I started taking my progesterone last night 200mg vaginally. I decided to take it after looking back on my last mc. I always spotted from the day I found out I was pg and when I got my level checked it was only 3.2. I was measuring behind but they said my hcg levels were good and my sac looked great so I was thinking maybe I did produce a normal egg and it was my progesterone so they gave me a script that I filled for the mc so I decided to take it. So I researched the hell out of it online and also decided to take it vaginally instead of orally. What I read was that if you take it orally your liver absosrbs most of it and the side effects are horrible. If you take it vaginally you absorb it better and less side effects. So we'll see. I am only 4dpo and I am trying no to test until Sat the 20th but probably will cave and test on Friday. So have a great weekend and enjoy the fall weather and festivities!!!!

Wednesday, October 3, 2012

My ttc buys.....

Just wanted to give a cycle update and let you know that I started the pregnitude. It's a powder you put into your water once in the morning and once at night it is tasteless. I am hoping it helps with egg quality, I do not think it will help this cycle but maybe the next two it will. I also have been temping and I am all knew to that so I will like to see how my next cycle goes with temping so I have something to compare too. I also got my opk's and pg tests ion the mail super excited so guess what I did....yep peed on one and this is what I got...

So maybe I will ovulate over the weekend I wasn't expecting to ovulate until cd 17,18 and that was taken on cd 10 so maybe I will ovulate on like cd 14 or 15 who knows?

here is the link

It cost 34.99 for a month supply.

Here are my batch of wonfo's so excited. I love that I have these now because it makes me feel like we are really really ttc. I didn't want to buy them before because ti me it felt like I am really having a hard time ttc and I need these, I don't know if anyone else feels that way. I also like that i don't have to go to the dollar store and look like a cray lady buying pg test every other day. So here goes nothing waiting to ovulate.
Till next time GL and baby dust to all!!!!

Monday, October 1, 2012

Exactly where I need to be...

So I went and got acupuncture this morning and it was great. She talked to me in great depth about nutrition and my cycle and I went on and told her about my balanced translocation. So she stuck me with all the needles and at first I was very nervous but it was very calming even for me who is constantly running whether physically or mentally. As I was sitting there I was repeating mantras or daily affirmations that I have read on infertility. Then something hit me I said to myself I am exactly where I need to be. I kept repeating it to myself and it was very comforting. I am exactly where I need to be in my life with a wonderful husband and two beautiful girls who are growing into young women. I am exactly where I need to be in my cycle, I am excited about ovulating and learning more about my body. I kept repeating this affirmation

My body is a fertile place worthy of conception.
I am grateful for and love my body and all it does for me.
My life is a blessing.
My womb is strong and fertile.
My eggs are healthy and developing perfectly.
I have the ability to heal myself.
I feel safe, supported and loved through my fertility journey.
My thoughts are peaceful and calm. (Great for stressful situations)
I am already healing my body, everyday it heals more.
I am grateful that I am a woman.
I support and love my husband (partner) through our fertility journey.
My menstrual cycle connects me to all women.
I am working with my body in a loving way to get my menstrual cycle back.
I am worthy of love, life and happiness.
My womb is a healthy place that will nourish my baby.

and this one

I trust my body.

My body is healthy and young.

New balance is coming to my body now.

My reproductive organs work in perfect harmony with my body to allow an easy conception.

Every time my period comes I rejoice in the fact that my body is functioning correctly.

My hormones are perfectly balanced and my menstrual cycles are becoming more and more regular.

My eggs are healthy and happy to be released during my next/current ovulation. (whichever is applicable)

My body knows how to conceive a healthy baby.

The most perfect egg is preparing to be released by my ovary and the most perfect sperm from my loving husband is preparing to fertilize it.

I allow new beginnings in my life.

I am welcoming my baby to come to my womb.

I didn't memorize them but I read them enough over the weekend that I was reciting some lines from both these affirmations while getting acupuncture. It was so peaceful and calming I indulged in every minute of it.

The season is changing and so is my outlook on my infertility. I am exactly where I need to be on this journey wherever it takes me I will have to accept even if I do not like the outcome. I will accept all things God has in place for me and surrender to his life plan for me and my family. If years go by and I don't bring another child in this world yes my heart will be broken but my husband will be there to put the pieces back together. I will try everything to conceive except for going into debt. If it is not meant to be so be it and that will mean a different walk of life for my husband and me. as season changes so do the phases of parenthood. As my girls get older and need me less for everyday needs, I will get to travel more with my husband and enjoy each other. The thought of this would usually make me want to vomit but what keeps popping in my mind is I am exactly where I need to be in my life right now and it feels great. I know there  might be times of despair but I will get through like I have done before with my darling husband by my side. Do I expect to get pregnant this cycle, no not at all do I hope it happens soon yes, do I feel like it ever will no. January keeps popping in my head it did all morning at acupuncture and maybe that is the month I will produce a genetically normal egg our a balanced one like me. Who knows? All I know is that I am exactly where I need to be.....

Wednesday, September 26, 2012

Jealous anyone......

The definition of jealous is


  1. Feeling or showing envy of someone or their achievements and advantages.
  2. Feeling or showing suspicion of someone's unfaithfulness in a relationship.
This is what I am feeling. I had to endure another girl who is pg at work and wasn't trying just got married and blah blah blah. I am happy for her but at the sametime equally jelaous. I can not be fake and say I am so happy and not jealous at all I would be lying to myself. I am jealous plain, pure and simple. Downright JEALOUS. I forgot to mention my best friend who I work with is pg also and I would have been due two weeks before her. So I get to see her go through something I should of been going through at the same time, what joy for me. Did I forget to mention she wasn't trying also? WTF. I have done everything gotten married, have a house, in a great place in my life. It just isn't fair. I hate hearing it will happen when it will. Well when, I feel like I am waiting in line for my number to be called and I do not have the patience. God left out that attribute out when creating me. I want this so bad I could boil over. I hate that  at work I have to hear woman  say I didn't want this pg, have 3 kids and one on the way and be like 21. UGHHHH!!!!  When will my number be called?

Onto other news I start  my first round of 50mg clomid tomorrow yay for moving through the cycle!!!!
Well till next time GL and baby dust to all and to all a good night!!!!

Monday, September 24, 2012

Cycle is ......

Finally here!!!! After I pick my uterus up off the floor, thank you!!! She came swiftlyy and fierce!!! I am excited go get onto the next cycle and I hope I can keep this happy momentum going in this journey. So I will start clomid on Thursday. I started charting and taking temps and I will use opk's this month and we will just relax and see. I am excited about fall and drink cider, wine and some good woodchuck!!!

So other than that my oldest daughter had a broken heart this weekend and my DH went to walgreens and got her fav chocolate covered cherries and was her shoulder to cry in how sweet. He is the best. Weekend was great DH worked all day which was a bummer and the sunday was the usual sunday dinner at my Nan's house who is 90 and is full of life!!! Love her anyways I have a busy week ahead back to school night etc etc!!! Working this weekend which sucks too. Till next time GL and baby dust

                                                                                                         This post was brought to you by,

Monday, September 17, 2012

Have you seen her?

Have you seen the witch? If so please send her my way!!!! She is probably so lost her head is spinning. I hate waiting for af because I don't ever have AF symptoms, no cramping nothing I usually spot the day before or just wake up full blown but nada,nothing,zilch. Ughhhh. Well anyway I no there is no way I am pg since our BD has let well let me just put it this way no up too par!!! since returning from honeymoon to enormous TV 55" courtesy of my Uncle(who is my dad's
brother and since my dad passed away 12 years ago is like my dad now) my DH has been kidnapped by the TV while watching football or playing video games with the girls. I end up going to bed before him and asleep by the time he comes to bed. His work also has him extremely stressed out no good. I just want this next cycle to start already it's like I am at the start line and waiting for the signal to go so frustrating:((((

So i will when the witch has foun her way!!!!

Thursday, September 13, 2012

It's like riding a bike right??

So I made the previous post almost a year ago, my how things have changed!!! I recently got married and suffered through a recent mc in august blah. Well what can I say I started a vlog on youtube I know crazy right but I felt like I had to, I had to be the voice for the couples who have what I have and forgo IVF and try other options. I could not find one person who had a balanced translocation and wasn't doing IVF. I give it to the couples that are doing IVF, the emotional and financial toll it must take but right now in this moment I am where I need to be trying what I am trying and above all having faith. Faith that God brought me and Lenny back together after all these years that we can add/start a family of our own. ( I feel a George Michael song coming on  right here)

  So we are back on the TTC bike. We are pedaling slow right now and coasting. I am awaiting AF to show after my mc on August 17 so hopefully this weekend she arrives. I have always gone back to my 30 day cycle right after my mc but this time watch I won't oh well. I have switched OB/GYN and wish I would of done it sooner, I am in love with my DR and the practice is great, you can access your test results online and he said if I think I am pregnant or just get a BFP come in right away and be seen and have my levels drawn. Thank you Jesus(my Melissa Gorga voice here thanks RHONJ). Also he gave me clomid can a get a whoot whoot my other OB/GYN would not. Love him. So are plan is to try the clomid, low amolyse diet and acupuncture this cycle, temp, and opks!!! Pheww that's alot but hey my eggies aren't getting any younger!!! I also stopped see the RE didn't like the office only saw the DR one time the nurses were rude, I felt like since I am not doing IVF they didn't care about me!!! Plan to see a different RE dr who casme highly recommended by many women at my work after January if need so(hopefully will not need too)So if anyone see that pesky witch send her my way. until next time sticky dust to all and to all a good night!!!!