Tuesday, November 27, 2012

If you fail brush yourself off and try again

That is how I feel. I got pregnant this cycle but unfortunately it was another chemical pregnancy. My hpt never got dark and I had a gut feeling from the beginning. Here is a pic

So the top one from Thanksgiving morning and bottom two days before my beta was 34. I knew they should of been darker but my boobs were killing me so I had some hope.I was also on progesterone. That usually does not give me side effects but I think it did this time around but I am glad to know you will still miscarry on progesterone. So I started the downward spiral of spotting on Saturday. Had some cramps on Monday morning but it still is  like a spotting light flow, my temp is slowly dropping so I think AF will be in full force tomorrow. I really didn't get upset this time because I kind of had that feeling from the beginning. I am taking a break from clomid  this month so I can double my prescription next month which means I will take 100mg of clomid in January. I am hoping that a good egg comes forward. Impatiently waiting.... tick tick tick.....
Will it ever happen my gut says no but I will try. Maybe seeing the RE after the holidays we can use injectables so I can produce more eggs I don't know. I want this so bad for me and my husband. I want to have that great experience of being pregnant and raising a child with a great guy. Yes, I have two dd but my experiences while pregnant and raising them was lets just say far from what I imagined or wanted. I was basically alone both times and even though married but utterly alone. It was not the happy experience I deserved and dreamed about. I would have that with my husband he is the love of my life best friend and I want to give him this precious gift of a child of his own. I want him to experience the love that a baby brings into your life. I want him to feel completed.  This brings me back to when I had my last daughter, I remember holding her in my arms and saying I want to do this again, kind of like a feeling of knowing my destiny of having more children was not complete with her. I just want to have a baby that's all. To much to ask for???


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