Thursday, December 27, 2012

New year

This will be our year!!! My new years resolution is to get pregnant with a  normal egg and have a baby and I will do everything besides going into debt. I am taking Clomid next month again 50mg and  we are  temping and opk. This Christmas was bittersweet and hard, honestly very hard as I watched my youngest daughter  Lily relish in believing in Santa. We did our Christmas traditions and I had to hold back tears that this might be my last Christmas with a child believing in Santa. Will I ever get to do this again I kept thinking to myself and so then I started soaking in everything my daughter was doing and enjoying her delight.
 My heart aches for a baby and my soul yearns for one. My gut whispers to me you foolish child you will never have another child and I think how will I cope with that that? What if and when my mind does there I get a sinking feeling in my stomach and tears well up in my eyes. So all I have now is my strength and faith that God will answer my prayers and my husband will be by my side as we trudge through this awful thing called infertility and balanced translocation. 

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