Friday, March 29, 2013

heaviness......

I am 6dpiui and feel nothing nada zilch zip!!!! i keep having these these thoughts that it didn't work and I don't want to have these thoughts, they invade my mind and I can't shake them. I want to be positive I would give anything to be that girl saying to herself I know this worked!!! But i am not instead I am doubtful this will ever work I am sorry i can not picture myself pregnant again and making my husband a father. These feelings dominant me, they are like ivy crawling and sticking to me and as much as you pull the vines off they grow back 2fold!!! I try to say to myself it will happen then a voice inside me laughs stupid girl hahaha she thinks she is going to have another baby!!!! I want to cry a lot these days but I don't I feel the tears in my throat but nothing comes out. I feel a heaviness on my chest and I wish it would go away. I feel despair,anguish,sorrow,disappointment and pain. I feel like this is a pain that no one feels but me to be pregnant 7 times with chemical pregnancy's since 2010 not counting the three miscarriages before this time who does that happen too? This girl. Every time I have seen those two lines and say to myself this is going to be it no way God would do this to me again and again it happens.  Tonight when I get off work I am going to have a good cry in the shower and hopefully relieve the heaviness from my chest  in the words of Iyanla Vanzant

Today, I cried.

I came home, went straight to my room,

sat on the edge of my bed,

kicked off my shoes, unhooked my bra,

and I had myself a good cry.”
Iyanla Vanzant, Yesterday, I Cried

2 comments:

  1. Im sorry, Trish. I hope the heaviness goes away soon. Hugs

    ReplyDelete
  2. Sending many thoughts your way.

    ReplyDelete