Wednesday, May 14, 2014

Where did the time go....

This week may 11 is the week of hell for me. To start May 11 mother's day, my sister's bday, Leah's christening. May 13 Lily turn ed 11 and the anniversary of my brother's death. May 14 my dad's bday and May 16 the day he died.

    So we christened Leah on Sunday Mother's Day and it was beautiful. It was and is  amazing to be able to  parent  with my husband the way I want, the way we were both brought up.  My husband is my biggest supporter and cheerleader. He loves that I breastfeed and that makes it so much easier. My baby Lil turned 11 yesterday!!! I remember like it was yesterday holding her in my arms and staring at her when she was just born. She is an outspoken,confident,beautiful girl. Where does the time go?

Today is my dad's birthday. I miss him deeply  painfully miss him. What makes my heartache so deep is what he has missed out on, so many memories. So many times I want to call him  and ask him for advice. He would of loved his grandchildren. God he would of had a ball with them. I miss my dad and think of him everyday. I know people say that but I do, I really do. I think of him when I am at my daughter's softball games thinking he would be there cheering her on. I think of him when the weather first breaks and how he would be running to play golf. Sometimes I think I see him and catch myself stalking the poor man that looks like him. When I hold my precious Leah I yearn for him to be there to relish in another grandaughter. I often thought of my dad when Leah was in the NICU. My dad was the one to pat you on the back and rub his fat sausage fingers on your back when you most needed it. There were times sitting in that chair in the NICU when all was quiet and I would bend my head down and rest my eyes I would feel the pat on my back. When Leah stares and smiles I like to think she sees my dad,brother and my husband's father. It will be 14 years on Friday that my dad has passed. 14 christmas's,birthdays,school plays,father's day,thanksgiving too many things. It feels like yesterday he was here. There are times I have to remind myself that it has been that long. That he has never met Lily or seen my house or me  or my sister get married and so many more things. Where did the time go?

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