Thursday, September 25, 2014

Infant loss

These two words should never be side by side. Death should never follow birth . This was my biggest fear when I was pregnant. This is why I was scared to buy baby items and decorate a nursery till just weeks before Leah was due. I could not shake the nagging feeling that something was not going to go right. Things did not go right it was not the way I planned and I will post my birth experience in a later post but I brought my baby girl home. Unfortunately some parents do not bring their baby home.

In my  facebook group of balanced translocation pregnant and baby a mommy did not bring her baby home. Everything that I was scared of happening actually happened to someone else.A mommy lived my nightmare that I thought would happen to me. When I heard of what happened to this mommy and baby my heart broke in a million pieces for her. I cried for her when I nursed Leah that evening and a lit a candle like others for her baby that night. I have started this post many times and stopped not knowing what to say. How does one recover from this? How do you try to fix the broken pieces? I do not know this mommy well but to me she is one of the strongest woman I know to be able to get online and share her story is unbelievable. To be able to talk about it I give her a standing ovation. See these are the things that are not talked about. I know we do not know the words to say to people in these times sometimes there are no words to say just to listen. Sometimes it's writing a post on your blog saying I do not know how you feel but my heart breaks for you and your husband. My hope is that this mommy keeps telling her story so she can heal not today not tomorrow but healing does come when you least expect it.

Grief is a journey we have all grieved for something sometime in our lives. Our  journey is ours alone. Grief for me does not get better with time and that's okay. For me it's not the first thing I think about when I wake up anymore but sometimes it is. There are peaks and valleys on this roadway of grief. There is no wrong or right way. Life will never ever be the same.

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