Saturday, March 28, 2015

One Whole Year

It has been 365 days, 52 weeks, 12 months and countless minutes and hours that Leah has been in our lives yet I can not imagine life before her. She was an answer to many prayers. There were so many tears shed for her before she was even conceived. There are a couple things infertility does give you, it is the appreciation for this tiny human being. Now I am not saying I never appreciated my other children but I did take them and the experience for granted. I did slow down and savor the moments this time.  It was like I parented through a different set of  eyes this time and it was so beautiful to see and experience. I have mentioned before in my other posts about this time being so different for me I feel like this time I was able to enjoy this experience of being a mom actually it was the first time I  felt like a mom to a newborn. Let's just say in my prior times parenting a newborn was not enjoyable because of the situations I was in and I do feel guilty for that. I feel cheated because this past year has been so magical and awesome. Maybe that is why I paid such close attention to it. Maybe that is why I held her a little tighter and enjoyed her. I think also age has something to do with it I was young with my other 2 daughters in a bad marriage and well you get the idea. This time I felt so ready especially with my husband who is just an incredible person to go through this with. I mean what woman's heart would not swoon when everytime Leah did something new my husband would get choked up and tears would well up in his eyes. God I love that man. When you have a partner who is so on your page with you and just is so in awe of this tiny human being it makes it so much more beautiful. I was able to work full time and breastfeed Leah and it has been  one of the most life changing experiences of my life along with such an encouraging husband by my side while doing it. It has been a year of firsts for so many things. I wish I could keep her this little forever. Her personality is starting to surface and lets just say she is a feisty one. The clinging has begun snd she is defintely  a level 10 clinger. She literally grabs my ankles and does not let go. Her belly laugh is contagious. Her smile delightful. Her curiosity sometimes gets her into trouble. Her eating food is so much better that she is trying so many new things and loving everything. Her love of books reminds me of my dad and maybe that is something he instilled in her soul. Mariah and Lily can not get enough of her and there are still daily squabbles over her. This tiny human being has brought so much to so many in these past 365 days.  To see my husband fall in love with her was absolutely magical. That everything I told him before she came how your heart just exlpodes he did not believe until he held her for the first time. I remember that moment he looked down at her and than up at me and   with tears in his eyes he just looked at me no words needed to be   exchanged you could read it in his eyes that at that very moment he was experiencing a life changing event. Life happens so quickly one moment you are holding a squishy baby the next moment you are wrangling a one year old out of the cat food. We are still cosleeping and nursing know I have no idea when we are going to stop and she is just not ready yet and quite frankly neither am I. I love our escapes upstairs were we lay quitely together and I get to stroke her hair and breath her in just me and her. This is our life right now and I am absolutely loving it!!!