Tuesday, May 16, 2017

Life gets crazy

Just noticed it has been 2 years since my last post. Wow!!! Life gets busy what can I say. Leah is now 3 we totally weaned from breastfeeding the month she turned 3. Lily is about to graduate 8th grade. Mariah is trying to find herself and she has a job. My husband has a new job that he likes that is closer to home with no traffic so he is happy!!! Me I am just trying to stay afloat with everyone's schedules and being a mom wife etc!!! Life throws you curve balls and it seems when they do I have the itch to write so let me scratch that itch now. One of my dearest oldest best friends passed away from a septic embolism that went from her heart to her brain. She was that friend that you could always count on when things got rough to give you a pep talk. She was there for me when I got pregnant at 19 and many times after that. She was my person!!! Through the years we always kept in touch we might not of talked everyday but if we had a crisis or needed that someone she was always a phone call away. She was larger than life one of a kind and my heart has been heavy since she passed. It has rekindled old friendships for me that I treasure and for that I am grateful. I still can't believe she is gone there was a video someone posted and I couldn't muster the courage to watch it. She literally was the person I called for extreme crisis!! She is the friend you show up to at 3 in the morning wearing all black with a shovel and she would say give me 5 minutes to get my shoes on!!! She saved my ass so many times in my younger years. I will truly miss her. She taught me what a true friend was.
It also didn't help that at this time my friend was dying i was suffering my 11th miscarriage, I honestly didn't have the energy to think about it. I was on the other hand happy that I was able to get pregnant. The month of May brings so many emotions my brother and dads passing mothers day so many emotions. I have felt quiet overwhelmed honestly lately and feel not myself. i have been snappy and feeling on edge and just tired. It's the season I am in I guess with all 3 girls and their schedules and managing a house from cleaning to meal planning to couponing to trying to keep everyone fed and alive while working 40 hours. I think the last 3 years of sleep deprivation has finally caught up to me. My husband is my partner and without him i would be truly lost he picks up where I am lacking he is the taxi of our house and he even accompanies me on my food shopping trips with coupons in toe. I think the reason I am feeling this way is because of my dear friend passing and the month of May. Each year I miss my dad more and more especially that my mom is very absent in my life I know he wouldn't of been absent in our lives and that makes my heart hurt. We are still open to ttc my heart still feels incomplete so I do wish for just 1 more and hopefully God will bless us with one more. How I would love Leah to have a sibling in her age range and I am not getting any younger. So onto the next cycle.